My Half Full, Glass O’ Chocolate Milk

Because i can’t delete a post… a rather offensive post. I had to write crabs, fishes and other seafood here so that i doesn’t turn into a zombie.

I’m more of a free thinker. I did not say I don’t need or believe in god, its just that, I’ve seen so many teachings that contradict itselves, that I can’t throw myself entirely into a religion anymore.

A person once told me: “You’re still searching for yourself, that is why you can’t settle down on a religion” I felt tremendously disturbed by what he said. But I can’t believe in what he believed in. He always had a questionable answer to what I had to ask about his believes. Answers to the questions that made me even more confused, even more unsettled. I know its ‘fan-chin’, but I’m not the type that would just sit down and say “ah, guess if i don’t ask, the answer will come to me eventually, magically”

My sister and mother are hard-core buddhists. Me, I don’t chant, I don’t pray, and even I HAD to go, i’ll choose which temple to go to, I’ll loose concentration and look around lyk a curious oversized cat, when mom dragged me to the temple for blessings, I’ll stare at the buddha’s statue looking for dusts collected in between the toes to pass time while the chanting goes on, supposedly to bless me for my exams. (Maybe that’s why i never scored straight A’s like my sister did in SPM… not even close)

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I got a forwarded mail from SY this morning, and for those who can’t read chinese, i’ve came up with a translation. Cheezy try. *chuckle*. What it has to say wasn’t too bad, considering this is what I see in a relationship. Unconditional love? Nah, those are bullshits.

Alright, here it is, enjoy!

 

男人与佛的一段对话A conversation between a man and buddha

 

深夜，寺里一男人一佛，佛坐男人站。
It was late in the night. There was a man, and buddha in a temple. Buddha was seated, while the man was standing.

 

男人：圣明的佛，我现今已有了一位相恋五年的女朋友，而我现在狂热地爱上了另一个新欢，我真的不知道该怎么办。Man: All-knowing buddha, I have a girlfriend whom I’ve loved for five years, and yet, I now fell madly in love with another girl, and I don’t know what to do!

 

佛：你能确写你现在爱上的这位新欢就是你最爱和生命里唯一的最后一个女人吗？Buddha: Now, can you be sure that this new girl that you fell in love with, will the the last girl you’ll ever love?

 

男人：是的。
Man: Yes.

 

佛：那你就提出分手，然后和她一起啊!
Buddha: Then you should suggest a breakup with your current girlfriend and be with the new girl!

 

男人：可是我现在的女朋友温柔，善良，贤惠，我这样做是否有一点残忍，有一点不道德。
Man: But my current girlfriend is a gentle, good hearted and virtious girl. If I break up with her, won’t it be a lil’ cruel, and immoral?

 

佛：在婚姻爱情中没有爱才是残忍和不道德的，你现在爱上了别人已不爱她了，你这样做是正确的。
Buddha: Its only immoral if there’s no love in a marraige. You’re now in love with another person, and not her, so, it is right to do so.

 

男人：可是我的女友很爱我，真的很爱我。
Man: But my current girlfriend really loves me, she really really loves me!

 

佛：那她就是幸福的。
Buddha: Then, she’s happy.

 

男人：我要与她分手后另结新欢，她应该是很痛苦的又怎么会是幸福的呢？
Man: But I’m going to break up with her and start a new relationship, she should be suffering instead of being happy!

 

佛：在婚姻爱情里她还拥有她对你的爱，而你在婚姻爱情中已失去对她的爱，因为你爱上了别人，正谓拥有的就是幸福的，失去的才是痛苦的，所以痛苦的人是你。
Buddha: In this marraige, she still have the love she has for you, and you, you’ve lost that love she has for you when you fell in love with another person. As to HAVE is happy, while to LOOSE is suffering, so, since you’re loosing, so you should be the one who is suffering.

 

男人：可是我要和她分手后另结新欢，应该是她失去了我，她应该才是痛苦的。
Man: But I’m breaking up with her to start another relationship, she should be suffering because she’s going to loose me.

 

佛：你错了，你只是她婚姻爱情中真爱的一个具体，当你这个具体不存在的时候，她的真爱会延续到另一个具体，因为她在婚姻爱情中的真爱从没有失去过。所以她才是幸福的而你才是痛苦的。
Buddha: You’re wrong. You’re just a matter in this relationship. When this matter doesn’t exist anymore, her true love will be transferred to another matter. This is because, she never lost her true love towards a marraige, so, she should be happy, and you, you should be suffering.

 

男人：她说过今生只爱我一个，她不会爱上别人的。
Man: But she told me that she will love only me and me alone, there will be no other!

 

佛：这样的话难道你从没说过吗？
Buddha: Haven’t you said that too?

 

男人：我，我，我……
Man: I, I, I…

 

佛：你现在看你面前香炉里的三根蜡烛，那根最亮。
Buddha: Look at the three candles in front of you, which is the brightest of them all?

 

男人：我真的不知道，好像都是一样的亮。
Man: I don’t know. It seemed that every single one is as bright as the other.

 

佛：这三根蜡烛就好比是三个女人，其中一根就是你现在所爱的新欢，芸芸众生，女人何止千百万万，你连这三根蜡烛那根最亮都不知道，都不能把你现在爱的人找出来，你为什么又能确定你现在爱的是这位新欢，又怎能断定她就是你生命里唯一的最后一个女人呢？
Buddha: These three candles are like three different woman, one of them is your new flame. There’s thousands and millions of girls out there, and you can’t even identify which of these three candle is the brightest, which girl is the one you really love, how can you know that this new flame of yours is the last girl you’ll ever love?

 

男人：我，我，我……
Man: I, I, I…

 

佛：你现在拿一根蜡烛放在你的眼前，用心看看那根最亮
Buddha: Now, take a candle and put in in front of you and see with your heart, which is brighter?

 

男人：当然是眼前的这根最亮。
Man: The one in front of me ofcourse

 

佛：你现在把它放回原处，再看看那根最亮
Buddha: Now put it back to its original place and look again, which is brighter?

 

男人：我真的还是看不出那根最亮。
Man: I still can’t identify which is brighter.

 

佛：其实你刚拿的那根蜡烛就是好比是你现在爱的那位新欢，所谓爱由心生，当你感觉你爱她时，你用心去看就觉得它最亮，当你把它放回原处，你却找不到最亮的一点感觉，你这种爱只不过是一种贪念，沉迷镜花水月，外表一切美好，但到头来终究是一场空，虚幻缥缈。
Buddha: Actually, the candle you took just now, is like your new flame. Love came from the heart, so, when you feel that you’re loving her, you’ll see that she’s like the brightest candle. And when you put it back to its original place, you will not find her any brighter than the others. This kind of love is just man’s biased thinking. It may looked pretty on the outside, but its actually empty on the inside. Illusioned.

 

男人：哦，我懂了，你并不是要我与我的女友分手，你是在点化我，
Man: Now I understand. You’re not trying to break me up with my girlfriend. You’re just trying to enlighten me.

 

佛：看破不说破，你去吧
Buddha: You’ve only understand, you’ll need to divulge it. Now go.

 

男人：我现在真的知道我爱的是谁了，她就是我现在的女友。
Man: I now know who I loved most. She’s my current girl friend!

 

佛：阿弥陀佛，阿弥陀佛。
Buddha: Amitabha, Amitabha!

 

**

Ahh… nice to read again and again. Though this looked like the English translations I’ve read in one of those books from the temple.

Geesh, I know I said that I don’t do religious stuff. I don’t. I don’t do stuff that doesn’t make sense. I will try to find fault in every book on Buddha’s teaching. I even know there’s a ‘cult’ in
Taiwan who claimed that they are better Buddhist. Trust me; the minute they said that, they are not.

If you start to compare yourself and wage war on the name of what’s supposed to be the purest thing of all, how do you expect to make this world be a better place?

I have a confession to make.

I was the kind of person who CAN speak english, gets A for every english tests, and prefer to read english newspaper. I don’t really see people being NORMAL if they can’t READ in english. Though there’s millions and zillions out there better than I am, I’m still not the type that add ’s’ and ‘ed’ at all the wrong places while I’m trying to tell you “my moms is bath-ing” (how many mom does she has anyway?)

Anyway, back to the point.

A friend of mine, went to Singapore and met a girl who thinks she is better than anybody else in the 10km radius wherever she put her 5inch heels on. She looks at those who came from Malaysia with a comtemptous eye, and hated those who can’t speaks english properly. God forbid if you don’t wear branded office wear to work. She wakes up hours earlier every morning to perfect her makeup and spend half her salary on her hair and skin. Sounded familiar? That’s the typical RICHER Singaporean who receives english education. They act as though they can’t speak chinese when you’re talking to them, so to push you to the point that you HAVE to use english as a communication medium between you. They actually felt slightly ashamed of being a chinese and have a mind set that they are a step higher than you no matter what farking masters degree you have, you’re nothing just because you can’t speak english.

Frankly, I was half like that when i was in college. Minus the vain part, the HEELS part, and rich part. Just half. I still have a heart. And I speak hoklish (hokkien+english) more or less WITH a slang – the malaysian slang.

Spending more than 1/2 a year in JB, improved my Mandrin, dramatically! Now I can actually CURSE and YELL at people in mandrin… which I just did last week. And i dun say “B, your phone is ringing” I’d say “B, dian hua” (direct translation? – B, phone)

Now I know, how it felt like, to meet up a person who looks down on you like a lil’ rat. Speaking to you in US slangs? Making you feel uncomfortable just to have her presence around you. In fact, you felt so neuseatic looking at her bullying ways, you might even puke “bitch” and cough “bullshit”.

*sigh* … im getting more and more uncivilised.

Not anymore da sweet ole Zu who likes to say ”I is feeling happy todays”.

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