Wedding spree~
I’m thrilled.
Cece’s wedding coming soon.
More the reason why I should be dieting.
I still owe her a photoshoot, and a wedding website. Sketches are not even done yet.
Conceptual photographers are charging her like their ideas are made of gold.
Generation-pass-me-down bridal studios have cheap wedding photoshoot packages, but their concepts are as old as my mom’s puberty-bra.
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The last thing my sister wants is a disastreous photo album that looked so … … er … wrong.
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| gasp! | gasp! | Triple gasp! |
One way another, you either have to sacrifice concept for money, or money for concept.
I’ve been browsing wedding websites during work. (er, no i didn’t) So much
that people start asking me
“You’re getting married soon izit?”
“No”
“Hey, I heard you’re gonna get married soon?”
“er, no”
“ey, how come you’re not dieting for your wedding yet. Next year right?”
“huh! Who said?”
-__-”
My chest throbs in pain. But what can I do?
I think you’re right when you say my effort is laboured.
I am not god. I am not you. I am normal. I am human.
But I am a human, trying to be right. I know when I do wrong. And I know to apologize. I do not expect forgiveness, but I did not ask for spits of insults and thoughtless words, senseless accusation. Its so hurtful, I don’t even remembered I should be defending myself – I just kept quiet.
Sigh. It don’t matter. You’re not listening anyway.
… I take that back. You listen. You remembered what I said. Right?
…
You go “Shit man, that dude is seriously fucked up. You know what, I fear that you’re gona be like that one day” And I use believe that you’re not capable of tearing up my dignity into a million pieces, beyond repair.
I’ve sworn to cut ties with my lies, live in a perfect world where I have no buffer for another mistake.
I will remember 14th of February, 2008 and the after effects til the day I die. I will remember how you killed my spontanity that I remembered you loved so much. I will remember how you take away my ability to feel what I feel. One thing leads to another. Don’t come demanding for an explanation if you find me changed.
I still love you I do.
I just love you more carefully this time.
